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Holiday Parties: 5 Tips to Stay Safe and Sober 

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  • Be Prepared to Turn Down a Drink – It’s common to be offered a drink at a party, so be prepared to turn one down. An effective way to avoid an awkward line of questioning is to claim an allergy to alcohol. Addicts and alcoholics have an abnormal reaction to alcohol and in this sense we are indeed “allergic” to it!
  • Hold a Non-alcoholic Drink – Keeping a non-alcoholic drink in-hand will ward off potential offers of a drink. People will likely assume anything that isn’t water is alcohol.
  • Use the Buddy System – When attending a party, it helps to buddy up with someone who is available to talk. That individual can also be in attendance or connected by phone. For those with a designated support system – such as a sponsor for those in AA – plan to check in both before and after the event.
  • Reach Out to Others – Support networks are extremely useful during the holidays, so be sure to use them. Reach out to sober friends and supporters, even if you’re not in trouble. It’s important to stay plugged in, especially during this time. The Sober Grid community is a great place to connect with others with similar experiences.
  • Take a Break – Maintaining sobriety is more important than any party. Don’t be afraid to step outside, or even leave if necessary.
  • Travel Smart –  If traveling, plan out support group meetings – AA, NA a local Alano Club or other 12-step fellowships- in advance. You can visit a 12-step fellowship or local district website, or use addiction.com/meeting-finder/ to get information about resources in different areas when traveling.

Miss Manners: 8 Things Not to Say to a Recovering Addict…

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…Just because you mean well doesn’t mean you’re not being rude.

By  | The Mix

I started drinking when I was very young. How young exactly, I’m not sure. I partied in high school, smoked a little pot, and on my 16th birthday, I snorted my first line of cocaine. I can’t recall the day it stopped being about having a good time with my friends and became a way to mask remarkable pain and morphed into an insatiable need.

Beginning at the ripe old age of 20, I started on a road to recovery only to relapse time and again, finally taking my last drink 19 years ago at the age of 28.

Getting sober is serious business and so much more than putting down the drink and the drug. It’s about making a daily resolution that this will not be the day I pick up one or the other, or both, and watch the pieces of my life that I spent years putting back together fall to ashes at my feet.

I had to leave almost every aspect of my old life behind, including many people. It was obvious I could never find support from people who were still using. Sure, friends and family try their best to be supportive, but that isn’t an easy thing to do when you are a casual, controlled player and not an addict. I made people uncomfortable, especially in those early days when I was still confused and fighting the demons, aside from the genetic predisposition, that made me an abuser and addict. So many people tried to say the right thing, but failed.

The truth is there are things that you just shouldn’t say to a recovering addict. 🙂 Here are just a few that I’ve had thrown my way:

1. “But … you don’t look like an addict.”

There is an enormous misconception about what an addict and/or alcoholic looks like. Not all of us are homeless, sitting under a bridge with a bottle in a brown paper bag or squatting in a crack house. All that statement does is compound the shame and fear that stems from the stigma of addiction.

2. “Why couldn’t you just stop?”

Little do you know how many times I looked at my haggard, hungover, sleep-deprived reflection and asked myself that same question. The truth is, the drugs and alcohol were not the problem. I was. Yes, I had a physical need once I started using, but when I got to the heart of it, I was broken – soul deep. I used alcohol and drugs to forget who I was and to mask the true issues at the heart of it all. If I could have stopped, I would have.

3. “Surely you can have just one drink, do one line.”

No. I can’t. It might not be that first sip or that first line that takes everything I have worked for away from me, but it will happen. I work daily, even after all these years, to do the next right thing so I don’t feel the need to have “just one.” I am an addict, and I will always be an addict. For me, there is no such thing.

4. “Surely you’re cured by now.”

I don’t have strep throat or the flu. I have a chronic, progressive disease. It is called addiction. Just like many other disease, it is likely to kill me if I don’t treat it the only way I know how and that is complete abstinence. There is no shortcut and there is no cure.

5. “Do you miss it?”

Sometimes I do. There is a part of me that is envious of my friends who can have a drink or two and walk away with their lives fully intact. My life isn’t perfect or absolutely carefree, but I’m happier than I’ve ever been and I am not willing to throw that away today.

6. “You have such great willpower.”

No, I don’t. It has nothing to do with willpower. In fact, I am completely powerless when it comes to my addiction. My recovery is another story.

7. “I’m so sorry.”

I have never understood someone else apologizing to me for something they had nothing to do with. Please, do not pity me.

8. “Look at you. It couldn’t have been that bad.”

Well, it was. If you’re fishing for horror stories, I’m not telling them. I lived it and I remember it well, but I’m not going there.

I admit to understanding that it is difficult for anyone who doesn’t live in the clutches to understand. I also get that people who ask these questions or make these statements are just trying to be supportive. This just isn’t the way to go about it. If you really want to encourage someone in recovery, accept them and respect the life they are working to live – today.

If you build it, they will come… and… then what?

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I am not one to make New Year’s resolutions. As I see it, I am setting myself up for failure by making goals I have no intention of meeting. You know, like losing weight, spending less, or looking for the good in the “other” political party.

For many years I would quit drinking. A New Year’s Eve hangover was the catalyst for that and it usually lasted as long. I have found that taking things “One Day At A Time” I was able to accomplish some much needed sobriety.

I don’t drink today. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but as long as it is today, I don’t drink. What a good use for procrastination. Getting involved and helping secure the future of the Elgin Alano Club is not a good use of procrastination. The club needs my help NOW. EAC has squeaked by another year by just about breaking-even. By that, I mean we didn’t always bring in as much as we spent. (Rent can be a bitch, right.)

drive_pledge_king_dungeon_681825[1]There are ways we can improve the EAC experience but it takes your help.

In the New Year I would hope to see:
1. Membership growth.
2. Increased attendance at club functions and fundraisers.
3. Feedback through suggestions on how EAC can improve YOUR sober experience.
4. A show of pride by keeping the club and outside areas clean.
5. Responsible members seeking ways they can help the EAC board make our club the best club ever.

I wanted to think of 12 things but I didn’t want to lessen the importance of these things by being funny. This is a serious matter. Without the increased interest in membership and increased interest in working with the board, EAC may see another end.

In the glass case there are 2 coffee mugs from 1989. EAC went through this before. It took around 15 years before the club started up again. Those of us who have been there do not want to see this happen again. It does not have to.

– Jim H.
Vice Chair, Elgin Alano Club

12 Ideas to help stay sober during the holidays

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Remaining sober can be especially hard during the holidays.  Family gatherings, holiday parties, and other social occasions can be very difficult for someone who is in early recovery.  Thoughts of past holiday occasions often bring up memories of celebratory drinking, drugs, or gambling.

Although it can be very hard to get used to the idea of a sober holiday season, especially when other people around you are seemingly having a great time celebrating by using substances or gambling, completing a stay at a treatment center is an accomplishment that you should be proud of.

Take this opportunity to celebrate not only the holidays, but also your new life of sobriety, which is something really worth celebrating.

If you find yourself struggling during the holiday season, please remember that you are not alone.  Help is only a phone call or meeting away!  Here are some helpful and practical tips to make staying sober easier:

1 Plan each and every day of your holiday season:  Plan to spend the majority of your time with friends and family who are supportive of your recovery.

2 Find a meeting in your area: Many groups have special meetings during the holidays to share their experience, strength and hope. Check the local papers for a meeting in your area.

3 Ask for support from family and friends: Those who are truly supportive of your recovery will be happy to help you throughout the holidays.

4 Have a list of ten people you can call: Make a list and check it twice. Carry your cell phone and list of names at all times.

5 Don’t forget about regular exercise: Regular exercise is an essential component of any balanced recovery program.

6 Stay away from slippery places: There is absolutely no reason to ever check out your former favorite establishments.

7 Create new traditions to replace your old using patterns: Buy a new board game or take the family on a sleigh ride.  Use your imagination, be creative, & have fun.

8 Write out a daily gratitude list: The quickest cure to get you out of the holiday blues is by counting your blessings and being grateful for what you have every morning.

9 Volunteer your services to a charitable organization: There are many people in your community who are less fortunate than you. You will be helping not only the needy but yourself!

10 Write a letter to yourself – “How I stayed sober over the holidays:” The act of writing your ideas on paper is very powerful. Write down all the activities and events that will help you have healthy, happy, and sober holiday season.

11 Avoid H.A.L.T. (Hungry, Angry, Lonely , Tired):  If you are hungry, get something to eat. If you are angry, talk to somebody about it.  If you are lonely, go to a meeting or call a friend.  If you are tired, get a good night’s sleep.

12 Live one day at a time and enjoy your sobriety: Stay in the moment and live one day at a time. Never mind about what happened or what could happen. Enjoy today. Live today. Celebrate your sobriety!

9 Reasons Helping Someone Else Can Help You

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helping-others-post-it-noteWhen you are in recovery, you do a lot of work focusing on yourself and the ways you can improve your life and your world view to find more peace and happiness. It may seem that recovery is all about yourself, but helping others around you can actually serve to help you too. Here are nine reasons why.

1. You Can Cultivate Gratitude

A large part of maintaining a solid sense of peace and happiness is remaining aware of the things you are grateful for. Helping those less fortunate than you can help you remain aware of the things in your life that you have, rather than focusing on what you wish you had or what you have lost.

2. You Can Remind Yourself Of Important Lessons

As you move through recovery, you may be aware of the thoughts and principles that helped you get sober in the first place, but perhaps they have moved from the forefront of your conscious. Helping someone who is new to recovery can be a “refresher course” in important values and ideas.

3. It Increases Your Self Esteem

The better you feel about yourself, the less likely you are to use. Doing something good for another person helps increase your self worth, which does wonders for your mindset.

4. It Gives You the Opportunity to Meet Other Positive People

Volunteering for an organization has the wonderful added benefit of allowing you to interact with other people who are interested in becoming a positive force. Successful recovery often means staying surrounded by the right people, so this can be a great way to stay healthy!

5. You May Discover a New Interest

Becoming engaged in the world in any way can be a great way to find interests you didn’t even know you had. For example, perhaps by taking a friend in need on a hike in their favorite area, you’ll ignite your own passion for the outdoors.

6. It Helps You Stay Focused On What Is Important in Life

It is easy for all of us to become side tracked by the myriad of distractions and temptations we face every day. Helping others is a wonderful reminder that human connection is the most valuable thing we could ever hope to attain.

7. You Will Be Too Busy To Fall Into Bad Habits

For many people, boredom can become a trigger to use. Boredom is simply what happens when we are not using ourselves to our full potential. Helping others is a great way to spend time in an invigorating and useful way.

8. You Will Be Inspired

Often times helping someone else means getting to witness progress that they make. Watching first hand as someone makes steps towards progress is a wonderful way to remind yourself of the accomplishments you have the ability to make.

9. You Will Become a More Compassionate Person

Becoming exposed to someone else’s struggles can help you be more aware of what others are going through, making you more generally compassionate and empathetic.